optimism.

Hey guys. So idk why but i've getting pissed off/emotional/sad alot..
Maybe it's because of all the major friendship problems that i've been going through? Maybe it's my family problems? Idk, maybe both. I know it doesn't sound like it's a big deal. But to me, it is. My family & friends are the things i treasure the most in my heart. They are the ones who could bring me high, or bring me low. I get very concern/emotional when it comes to them. Try handling it when both of them seems to be against you? Against the odds? It's hard. Harder than you think. Because to me, i get my energy & happiness from them. If odds are against me & i'm on bad terms with both of them at the same time, i've got nothing. Nothing at all. So i guess that's why my mood's been so spoilt for the past few day.. If there's no problems with my friends, then there is at home. If not at home, then with my friends. BUT, the thing is, there will always be a problem at home.. but dealing with both isn't an easy task.
I'm not very independant, i'm still young, dumb & immature. I can't set my priorities straight and my time management skills suck to the core. I need friends who'll stay by my side & help me through all these obstacles. And yes, i have true friends- as a matter of fact.

HOLY CRAPPPPPPPPPP MY KEYBOARD KEEP MALFUNCTIONING AND IT JUST FREAKING ERASED LIKE 2 PARAGRAPHS IN THIS BLOG HOLY SAJFKDSNCSNJ. /rage mode/

anyway. i'll try to repeat everything once again.

so yeah, the teachers' day celebration wasn't all that great. WeAreAsians(WAA) (koreotics+thalia) performed and i bet we sucked because the audience was so dead. and yknw, it isn't encouraging at all specially when you're on stage trying to please the whole school & giving out your fullest and the cheers wasn't all that great. Meh. Anyway, so after the celebration, i couldn't go back to my primary school/go out with friends because my parents were so goddamn pissed with me that they didn't allow me to go. Oh well. can't blame them. i freaking hate my results.. just.. urgh..
Then after i came home, i got lectured/nagged/caned/slapped/scolded at and well, i couldn't stop crying. Meh. Okay, this might sound silly to you but i'll admit that i had lots of suicidal thoughts going around my mind today. ALOT. I confess that i've had alot before but i never really plan on trying them, i was just imagining.. But i actually did something today.. but i couldn't make myself do so.. idk why, something was stopping me. But whatever it is, thank god for that. I think that my life's still worth while.

Anyway, i'm trying to change my bad attitude. Idk why, but something/someone triggered some anger/sadness within me that i've never experienced before. Well whatever, i'm trying to get over it.  Not worth it at all. So now, i've been currently leading an optimistic life for the past 3hours. Woo. This is actually fun. But i hope i stay like this forever or something. Life's better this way.