080819 - nts & thots on dance

this is a note for my future self

it's currently 3:30am on the dot
and it's 8 august 2019

i don't really know where i'm going with this, but a few minutes ago while i was on instagram, i chanced upon a girl's profile, someone i admire for being such a humble, talented human being

and it reminded me something -
it reminded me that humility goes a long way.
but of course, that's just my insignificant opinion.

i want to remind myself to always stay humble no matter what happens. keep your head up, but your chin down (if that even makes sense)

thots on dance

these days, i've been feeling a little different when i dance.
the desire to compete or to perform has been slowly fading.
on the other hand, i've been enjoying my sessions thoroughly.

i've never felt this way about sessions before. i used to think of it as a chore, or like a mandatory practice for something... or someone (i was quite the people-pleaser back then)

but nowadays, i just feel... at ease.
oh, except for cypher time. cyphers still get to me. still afraid of it.
exchanges are fine though, most of the time.

i guess i just prefer to dance on my own and not get judged, ya kno?
i'm still a very self-conscious person after all (ha!)

but i'm trying to let it pass. slowly.
i want to stop feeling so self-conscious and insecure whenever i'm dancing with others.

random question to myself: am i thirsty to grow as a dancer?
frankly speaking, i'm not too sure.

but i do enjoy training and experimenting with new movements when i'm sessioning.
it's fun. so fun.

why didn't i find it fun before?