the bittersweet allure of being scorned

this is one of those nights;

those nights when you feel everything,

when all the negativity you try abolishing eventually comes back raiding at you.

those nights when you're most vulnerable-

defenseless, susceptible

those nights when all your fears attack you-

softly, and then all at once

i can easily relate it to a burst  of every tremor of fear that i have,

climbing up my insides and sliding back down.

it all came too sudden. 

perhaps it was triggered,  

a nightmare

all too realistic for my taste, 

or simply because of the glorious thought of death-

i am not sure myself. 

i usually have these kinds of mishaps on a regular interval, 

though i beg to differ.

today came really unexpected.

maybe, just maybe

i felt it when i was walking alone

in the darkness-

each and every one of my fears lurking 

glooming, in the twilight

it wasn't the abhorrent sheath of all the imaginary monsters i could possible come up with

it was my thoughts-

the simple speculation of my supbar intellect.

pure thoughts. 

i felt a diversity of despair

i was helpless

i wanted to cry, scream, shout,

death. 

it was the my best bet. 

but then again, why? 

thus, i directed myself

is it because i was scorned? 

possibly. 

what other feasible reason is there? 

nil, zero, zilch 

the idea of being scorned haunted me

it's been haunting for quite a while, actually 

i just never liked the idea of admitting it to myself 

wow, i've been using alot of "I"s lately

that actually say a lot about me-

i hope you can figure it out..

but then again, this is my blog. 

thus don't i have every right to post whatever i want?? 

(don't fret- i'm still a law-abiding citizen) 

back to the topic of being scorned. 

actually no, i'm not ready to express my profound emotions.

i would actually prefer to be more subtle about this topic,

i want to be as philosophical as possible.

this feeling.. "scorned"

i can closely relate it to the absinthal jolt of nothing.

it dehumanizes me

basically, it makes me feel immobilized and good for nothing. 

there's obviously more than just that, but i theorized that nobody cares.

it's okay though, i'm already worn out

besides, how pathetic it would be 

to see someone like me talking about my sufferings, 

when you deem it insignificant,

which i assure you- it probably is.

fortunately, i make a prosperous fabulist

everyone's too credulous it amuses me.