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What if i say that i've been forcing happiness all along?
What if i say that i'm just trying to put up a show?
A show that doesn't make me look pathetic, unwanted & miserable?
What if i tell you how miserable i've been feeling so far?
None of you would even believe how horrible i'm feeling inside.
I'm trying to push all my problems away by being as happy as i can with you guys. I'm trying my goddamn best to forget the pain, even if it's for awhile. I'm trying my ass off to look at the brighter side, which is you guys.. my closest friends. Those who makes me happy, those who gives me joy. Those people that never fail to brighten up my day.

But why am i still feeling so shitty? I feel like.. like none of you care. Like none of you care what i'm feeling inside. The saddest part is, nobody tries to figure out how i feel. No one asks how i am or if i'm doing fine with all my problems knocking at my door every hour.

I'm really trying my best to be happy.. to be optimistic.. to be "out there" and not hiding and drowning from my pool of sadness. But it's hard.. it's hard when none of your friends seem to support you. It's so hard when none of them seem to care about you. It's so hard to realize that when you're trying to brighten up the atmosphere, they'd just give you some awkward smile, or they'll ask you to shut up. It's just hard.

What if.. what if i say i'm done trying? What if one day.. i'll just not talk to anyone? Not reply any messages, not go online, & just 'vanish' all of a sudden. What if.. what if i'm done forcing happiness? what if i can't be bothered to live life anymore? what if a part of me dies, and it can never be restored? i don't want that to happen. but it's not like i have control over it. well for now i do, because i can still choose what's right and wrong.. But what if i break completely apart?

You'll never know how a person is feeling deep down inside.