Tired.

"Because since there's no more you

There's no more anniversary

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

And your memory

And how every song reminds me

Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing you were still here

Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?"

Stupid love songs. Making me think of everything that has happened in the past.. I'm tired. I really am. But i'm still clinging on to the promises you made. I can't seem to accept the fact that all of those were lies, and you're still the same person i fell inlove with months ago. 

I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep every night because of you.. I can't seem to get you out of my head. I'm trying my best to.. but I just can't. 

My feelings for you.. I can't force myself to stop having those feelings about you even though i want to. I'm still clueless about everything that is happening. I can't get over it.. I'm stronger than this.. But i don't now. I JUST CAN'T. I can't.. I'm so fed up with thoughts about all your promises & everything you told me. I depended on you. You just.. you just left me like that. All alone. Without a last word. I'm tired.. I'm really tired. At least spare a thought or two and tell me what's happening. I don't like this.. Ahhhhhhh. It just breaks my heart whenever i see you & you act as if i'm invisible to you. It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous, And pathetic. I know. But no one really understands how i feel right now. No one. It's different. It's not usual. This is the first time i've ever felt like this. No matter how hard i try to explain everything. People will never understand. They're not feeling it. I am. I'm so sick of thinking about you all the time but at the same time, i just can't get enough. Can't you take a hint? It's you. It has always been you. My happy pill, anger pill, sadness pill, jealousy pill, (anything else related) pill.

I just love you more than you could ever imagine. I'm not kidding. 

I'm sorry for constantly tweeting/blogging about this. I can't think of any better ideas to make myself feel better. Ok. Maybe it's not making me feel better, but it prevents me from blowing up really badly since i'm not bottling it up. I'm doing everything i can to get you out of my head. It works really well, but by the end of the day, i'd feel the same way again. I can't control how i truly feel in the inside, but i could hide it and maintain a positive and optimistic attitude on the outside, right? Sometimes, when i pretend to be happy infront of my friends, it doesn't stay fake for long. This is why my friends mean the world to me. But i still can't change the fact of how i'm really feeling on the inside. 

I hope everything goes back to normal soon.. I miss the days when you'd accompany me everywhere i go. I miss those days when you'd always walk by my side all the time. I miss the days when we texted 24/7. I miss thedays when we used to talk about random & retarded things online. I miss the days when we were happy. I miss those days. I miss everything that has got something to do with you. I miss that. I miss us. I miss you.